I can't believe I'm about to turn 26. This has been the worst year of my life. Never did I think it was possible to receive so many threats against my life for attempting to create social change within a tiny subculture. Never did I think that I would get raped and that this would cause people in this tiny subculture to turn this traumatic experience into a joke.
Two weeks after I was raped this "big time producer" was threatening to have me gang raped. I guess he found it funny. I called the police and they said the same thing that they usually did. "We can't do anything because it's out of state." Of course it's out of state. It's a violent gang of neo-nazi's who have physically attacked me before. One of them set my clothes on fire and then violently beat the shit out of me. I was told that if I did anything about this I would be murdered.
These people aren't simply in New York. Or Los Angeles. Or Pittsburgh. They're scattered like fleas. It's not just internet drama. Quit saying that it's just internet drama. It's massive industry mobbing. It's playing with my life. It has happened at my own gigs. It has happened at clubs I've attended. My own mother has received death threats.
"Just ignore them." Just ignore threats against my life? Just ignore one attack after another? How is that supposed to solve anything? "Just focus on your music." I am focusing on my music but I'm afraid to release it. The better I do with my music the more these people attack me. "Just move on." I'm sorry but that's weak. How am I supposed to move on after all of this? Why should I? Would you?
People say that I'm making everything up and that I've gone psychotic. What have I made up? Even the police have looked at the evidence. They feel bad for me. That's what they say. "We feel bad for you but unfortunately there is nothing that we can do to help you." This is not a publicity stunt. It's the legal system unwilling to help me because this gang is scattered throughout this entire country: because there isn't enough money to be made in such a tiny industry: because I don't have enough money to give.
My friends are worried about me. They send me messages of support. They mean the world me. They tell me to keep going. That I shouldn't let these people bring me down. That they know what this is like. I have an entire army behind me but who is going to stop this gang from playing with my life? When is it going to end? Will it ever?
People say that by making posts like this I am "giving them what they want." Maybe yes and maybe no. Does that mean I don't have the right to express how I feel? People say that I am "playing victim." Where is the act? Where is the stage? I don't see myself playing anything.
All I want for my birthday is money. Maybe that sounds selfish but until I get a certain amount of money I will have no way of getting any legal assistance. I have exhausted every possible option. It all comes down to me not having enough money to receive legal help. What if they actually kill me? What if this could have been prevented by the authorities? Who will be to blame?
If I end up getting killed I will have this post as a final record of what has been going on. People will know the truth. The only thing I can hope is that the truth will not be drowned out by this violent gang that has been fucking with my life and career for the past 4 years. Even now I am afraid to say who they are. Yet many people know who they are. If I end up getting killed these people will go to jail for the rest of their lives. I don't want to get murdered (does anyone?) but these people definitely deserve to go to jail. Will they? Who knows? They seem to know how to manipulate the law pretty well. They have done this to other people. I'm definitely not the first. I would like to be the last but not at the expense of my own existence.